Both our understanding and operationalization of fatherhood and father involvement have changed over time. For most men, becoming a father is a wonderful and rewarding experience; however, the transition to fatherhood from childlessness necessitates a change in lifestyle and responsibility that can at times be difficult. Feelings of pride, happiness, excitement, and being loved can be dampened by a lack of sleep, difficulties in caring for an entirely dependent infant, financial concerns, and changes in their emotions.
Certainly, fathers do not go through the physiological experience of giving birth. Their parenting was not instinctive which they had to learn to parent but this was not very important because the thing their job was limited to going to work, earning the money, and instilling a bit of discipline when they got home. People often felt the fathers had no input into their children's lives as well as their development and certainly did not form those strong attachments that a mother in children have.
How in the absence of the experience of birth do fathers form deep attachments with their children? When a man becomes a father, they are likely to be more sensitive which they can meet their child’s every need. Did you know, male partner cohabitating with a pregnant female will experience hormonal shifts? The hormone change may help prospective parents and it may help both partners to support each other if they realize both are going through changes, meeting the challenges of parenthood. The synchronization of their emotions makes fathers nurture and show affectionate care to their child as well as to detect the risk that is important for him to see if that child is to survive. The hormonal change enables fathers to plan to problem-solve and take decisions to be all they can be to their children. Fathers need to make quick efforts to build that bond with their children to get to know them.
Secure Attachment for Dads
The attachment between father-child and mother-child is different as there is no point in evolving two people to do the same role. The dad attachment is also obviously capable of being affectionate and caring but on top of that is an extra bit his job is to challenge to be the secure base in which the child goes out into the world to investigate what is going on. His role is to teach the skills behavioral linguistic cognitive that will enable that child to deal with life's challenges assess its risks and leap over those hurdles to deal with failure but also with success. We live in the most complex social technological world and dad's job is to turn the child's face to that world where we have a crisis in teenage mental health. We are running our social relationships at a greater and greater distance due to social media. We need dad more than ever before to help us navigate this complex world.
Dads Are Not Just About the Genes
Generally, a father is a person who steps up and does the job. We can all see that dads are wonderfully flexible beings because they are not bound by the biology of pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding. They can change their behavior more quickly to respond to changes in the environment. Whether he lives with his children or not, but he can be an uncle, a grandfather, and a friend. Dad is not who you think he is. In addition, dads are more involved in their children’s lives today than ever before. Parents both have to earn and make life work. Fathers are empowered to be involved as they are important and meant. We have heard stories about fathers being excluded or alienated during pregnancy birth and afterward, of being shut out of midwives’ appointments, and of being ignored. Aren’t we ready as a culture to accept fathers being involved with their families and take paternity leaves? Many fathers struggle in their work environment to be granted this right. Fortunately, it is common for companies in Malaysia to at least allow 1-3 days of paid leave or longer unpaid leave. Besides, empowering men to take paternity leave could increase domestic equality in the home where domestic chores and childcare are shared equally.
Thank you, Dad!
Fathers are meant. They are intertwined with one’s position and role in society. This father wound cuts deep into our souls as daughters and sons during childhood and later in adulthood. For better or worse, fathers live inside their children as their first image of men and the masculine. Fathers may not necessarily be as affectionate in showing love as mothers but let’s take this opportunity to thank him for his unseen sacrifices and the role he plays in our growth as a person. A part of him is within us. May we honor his sacrifices and bring happiness to him.
When we were little, we celebrate Father’s Day by preparing gifts, handmade adorable cards written inside some heartfelt wishes. As we grow up, things have changed, and we are starting to get busier by day with our own commitment and responsibilities especially during this pandemic. Spending time with fathers should not be so hard. Give him your time. Wherever you are today, you can still celebrate this meaningful day via phone calls or virtually. They must be so proud to be hearing their grown-up children who have entered careers and able to stand with their own feet. It is an honor for us, Recruit Hero to be one of the jobs finding platform as a career ladder to anyone out there in discovering their professions so that they can also make their dads proud!
To all fathers, Happy Father’s Day!